It's All About You... And All About Them

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."

-Anaïs Nin

One of the difficulties we face in life is based on an erroneous idea that in ingrained in us from a very early age. The idea I am talking about is that other people are concerned with what we are doing and thinking, and we live in a constant state of judgment by others.

It's simply not true.

I find the tendency in my mind to be focused on me, myself, and I – where did I get the idea that others were thinking about me as much as I think about myself. Doesn't it make sense that if I am predominantly thinking about me that others are predominantly thinking about themselves?

This came up in discussion last night when I talked about an experience of mine growing up. As a child, when I would tell people about this experience, I would be asked the question, "Wow! Isn't that hard for you?"

"No," was always my reply. I didn't know any different, so there was no comparison to me about what might be easy or hard in that circumstance of my life. It was a great lesson I learned at a young age. The question arose from these people, because they were reflecting on how they might feel under the same circumstances.

They considered my unusual circumstance through their own lens... so what am I seeing through my lens?

These lenses lead to judgment.

I do work very hard to practice non-judgment. It's not always easy, after all I live in a culture where judgment is the norm. So this method of reminding myself to reflect on the judgments and opinions I have helps me to avoid imposing them on my experience of others.

It doesn't mean I need to keep these feelings to myself if I feel compelled to share them. What it does mean is that I can't expect anyone else to own or process those feelings. They are mine, I own them, and I address them as best I can.